What is one example of "small stuff" that you let get to you recently?
One example of "small stuff" that I let get to me recently was when I stumbled over my words when answering a question and lost my train of thought in one of my zoom classes, ultimately embarrassing myself and effecting my confidence when speaking in front of groups of people. Just because of one tiny mistake that I had made in one of my classes, my fear of answering questions in front of an entire class has increased. This fear of "messing up" holds me back from being able to speak up in front of groups of people virtually, even if it's solely in front of my peers, when in reality from an outsider's perspective, it is not a big deal at all. Looking back, I now realize that most of my peers in that class have most likely already forgotten about my single mistake, yet that fear of embarrassment is still there nagging. I'm learning to accept the concept of leaving previous mistakes in the past for the sake of my future, just how the quote from this week had explained. By truly grasping the idea that it is okay to make mistakes, I'll in turn, be able to let go of the "small stuff" that once effected my self image and confidence greatly.
Chapter Two: Make peace with imperfection
How does your "ego" distract you?
When asked this question, I instantly recognize how regularly I am effected by my ego and how it is constantly distracting me from my social life and school work. Due to my fear of being judged because of my work not matching those around me and my persistent overthinking in every situation, I get distracted from the life around me and my thoughts revolve around those ideas. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I am a self conscious perfectionist, and never feel that my work is good enough. I am constantly comparing everything that I create with the work of those around me, when in the end, I need to see the good in each task that I complete. Beside from everything my mind is telling me about the negatives, I know that there is still positives in every situation, and there are still things that I did extremely well. Just because a project might not have turned out exactly how I had planned or it doesn't look the exact same as my peers', it doesn't mean it's bad or wrong because everyone interprets things differently, creating a variety of possible, correct outcomes.
Chapter Three: Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be super achievers
Thoughts: "When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires and concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others."
This quote is extremely powerful, and is something I really need to take into consideration for the sake of my happiness and my future. To me, this quote is explaining that inner peace and love for yourself should always be your priority because it is the key to being happy and gives you the ability to be able to focus on your goals in order to achieve them. Without inner peace, you are far less likely to reach your intentions because you would be so entangled in your needs and concerns that you wouldn't be able to concentrate on your future plans. For instance, if you're constantly fighting to find peace and love in yourself, you will never have those basic building blocks within you to be able to move on to others and help those around you. So, it is absolutely necessary to find your inner peace, learn to love yourself, and find your own happiness within you for the good of your well being.
Chapter Four: Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking
Do you notice how your body and mind feel when your thinking is out of control?
Typically I notice that when my thinking becomes out of control, normally as I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I become extremely fidgety and panicky. My mind is constantly worrying about my plans and fears for the upcoming day and also overthinks situations that recently happened over and over again. When this happens, I am continuously rolling from side to side and lay awake for hours just staring at the wall thinking. Most of the time, I can recognize my actions fairly quickly, but other times, I don't notice how long my thoughts have been roaming until I look at the time on my phone. I have a hard time letting out my emotions by crying or by talking to someone about my constant worries, but I've found that writing out my thoughts in a journal tend to help calm me down extremely well. Even if I don't feel in the mood to get up and write, once I am done spilling out my emotions on paper, a weight is instantly lifted off of my chest, and I feel much more relaxed.
Chapter Five: Develop your compassion
Can you recall a time when you made something "big" and dramatic when in reality it was "small" and not that big of a deal?
In my family, I tend to be known as the "dramatic" one who is often taking things out of proportion, which even though I agree with them, I don't like that trait about me. In the future, I need to focus on appreciating what I do have in front of me, and not what I don't have because something didn't go exactly as planned or how I had hoped. One example that comes to mind where I blew something small way out of proportion was during cheer season my sophomore year. My stunt had been the point stunt originally, but once I stopped consistently hitting my stunt, and another stunt group completed it better than me, we traded places. This one arrangement in the routine ruined my mindset for that entire week when working on that routine. Just because I had been moved back one row in the stunt sequence, I panicked, and turned the situation into something much larger than it should have been. I needed to just let go, and appreciate that I was still flying in that routine, and that even though I wasn't front and center, I was still doing the best that I could.
Chapter Six: Remind yourself that when you die, your "in basket" won't be empty
What does your 'in basket' look like? And will it be there tomorrow...
Currently, my in basket is overfilling with to-do items including everything school related as well as keeping my messes tidy, staying fit for cheer, focusing on my mental health, plan for my future, and staying as social as I can without being able to see each of my friends every day at school. With so much on my plate, I stress about completing everything in one day, in one sitting, when in reality, that is not possible. If I leave all of my schoolwork to complete in one night, there is no way that I would be able to finish it all by the deadlines and well, so I need to accept the fact that my in basket isn't going to ever be empty. Yes, I could take time out to take tasks out of the basket and work on each goal individually, but I can't let myself stress out about emptying the entire basket, and never allow myself to relax and spend time on having fun.
Chapter Seven: Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences
Do you believe you are a strong listener or could you use some work?
Personally, I believe that I am an average listener, but I now realize that I have a lot of skills to work on when in a one on one conversation. After reading the chapter, I’ve noticed several things that I do while in a conversation that were labeled as a “bad listener” in the text. I’ve always struggled with making emotional connections and showing empathy when others tell me their struggles and worries, which appears as if I don’t care about what they’re telling me, when in reality, I just don’t know the proper way to react to this type of information. In addition to this, I often rush conversations when I know where they are headed. For instance, when I’m speaking to someone while in a rush, or when I can already predict what they’re going to say, I often cut them off, and respond before they even finish their thought. This can clearly be seen as if I am not engaged in the conversation, and it seems as if I do not want to be talking to them.
Chapter Eight: Do something nice for someone else - and don't tell ANYONE about it
Recall a time you have given, did you expect acknowledgement?
I’m always trying to help others without their asking, so I can recall a few instances where I have given, yet my expectations often fluctuate. Depending on the task, I sometimes hope for acknowledgement, yet I know that I should never expect anything in return. One time in specific where I was able to give back was during cheer season last year. The Ripon Chiefs program often has one adult coach that instructs each team of young cheerleaders, but they are always struggling to keep so many girls organized on their own. Although I had to manage school and my own cheer practices ending roughly around 6:00 each day, I would often go to the community center after my own practice until 8:00 to help out. Despite the fact that they never asked me to come help out, I know that my assistance made a huge difference on the girls. I was able to bring my skills from high school cheer to the Chiefs cheerleaders, and just seeing their appreciation and improvement was enough for me to keep going. In this situation, I never expected anything in return, and just truly loved helping out.
Chapter Nine: Let others have the glory
Have you experienced someone else 'stomping' on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
I've definitely experienced moments where others have tended to 'stomp' on my glory, and take away whatever excitement I had been revealing, yet I can't pinpoint a specific one. Whenever I've been in a situation when this occurs, I've definitely felt annoyed as well as unheard and unappreciated, but I understand that most of the time people don't intend to bring you down or interrupt you, as they do it without notice. Although I feel that people mean no harm when stomping on others most of the time, it still hurts due to the fact that someone is putting you down, and making you feel as if your words and accomplishments mean nothing to them. I feel that this is something each and every person needs to work on with themselves, and even though you may not intentionally take away someone's moment of glory or confidence, your interruptions and lack of attention may cause them to feel under appreciated.
Chapter Ten: Learn to live in the present moment
What are some ways that you work to stay in the present moment?
In order to stay living in the present moment, I often remind myself that my teenage years are some of the prime moments in my life, and that these are the times I'm going to look back on so I can't waste them worrying about something that already passed, or stress about what's coming up in my future. I'm beginning to learn that I need to appreciate what I have in the moment, and value everything as they come rather than missing things once they already passed. Every day, I am spoiled with small luxuries that I won't even recognize until I no longer have them, and that's a major problem that I need to learn to overcome by simply just living in the now.
Chapter Eleven: Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you
Think of a time when you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught...what did you learn?
A time that I can recall when I was frustrated was during cheer season last year, when I had just been switched into a new stunt group for that week's routine. In this group, there had been two returners who knew how to complete the stunt sequence properly, yet it had been my secondary base's first year ever cheering, so she repeatedly messed up her grips, ultimately causing the stunt to fall several times. In this moment, I remember being extremely frustrated and annoyed with her, when looking back at it now, she had never been taught how to complete the stunt, so there was no way she would be able to just jump right into it and do it perfectly. Looking at it that way, I can say that this moment taught me patience due to the fact that I can expect perfection immediately. Technique takes time to learn and practice over and over, and I've now learned that I shouldn't of expected her to have perfect form and technique when she had never done anything like it before.
Chapter Twelve: Let others be "right" most of the time
Challenge: the next time you are in a discussion / argument, let the other person be right and take notice on the initial feeling that transpires.
I’ve learned to recognize that when I’m fighting so hard to be “right,” I often forget about what I’m really doing and how it’s making the other person feel. I’ve noticed that I tend to let my ego take control, leading me to only focus on winning the argument, rather than stepping back and realizing that it’s really not a big deal at all. This week, I took on the challenge of letting my mom win a small argument we had over my cluttered closet. This is a common discussion between us due to the fact that I let my clothes destroy the cleanliness of my closet without noticing, and I typically get upset and use my school and cheer practice as an excuse for the mess. This week, I kept my thoughts to myself, stepped up, and cleaned my closet without a fight. My initial thoughts were clearly annoyed and upset, but the longer I thought about how foolish the argument was and how correct my mom really was, the more content I became. I began to realize that a lot of the time the other person is correct, yet I just don’t like to admit that I could be wrong, so I need to work on not letting my ego get in the way of reality.
Chapter Thirteen: Become more patient
Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this vast world and really your 'drama' isn't that big of a deal?
I often find my mind filled with thoughts of how small I truly am in this universe, and how much even smaller my problems are. These reflective moments come frequently whenever I watch others’ real life stories, either in the form of a documentary or a first hand article. When I hear these horrendous stories that others had to face in their lifetime, I am reminded that my “problems” don’t even compare to some of the things that others face on a daily basis. They also remind me of how big our world truly is, and how much there is still in store for me. In addition to this, these stories allow me to relax and not worry so much about the present because I remember in that moment that there are still so many opportunities that I’ll encounter in my future, and that life will continue to move on, no matter how difficult it may seem in the moment.
Chapter Fourteen: Create "Patience Practice Periods"
Do you have a "Mantra," a statement, that you make to yourself daily or weekly?
Personally, I do not have a specific “mantra” which I say to myself daily, or even weekly, yet I do feel that I have specific reminders I tell myself quite often subconsciously. Whenever I’m having a hard week, I often find myself reminding me of what I have to look forward to in the near future, and tell myself to keep pushing so I can reach those well-awaited moments. By thinking of rewards and things to look forward to, I feel I am able to relax and breathe for just a moment, and realize that there is still some good hidden in all of the stress. Although this so-called “mantra” helps me get through each week, I am realizing how many other ways having positive mantas could help me stay relaxed, focused, and confident as the days come, and I need to work on incorporating new, positive mantras into my daily routine.
Chapter Fifteen: Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out
Have you lost a relationship because something "small" created a "big" divide?
Although I have not lost an entire relationship due to an issue that had been small and blew up into something much bigger, which I feel my overly forgiving side has a lot to do with this, I know that I’ve had several situations where I turn something tiny into something much bigger than it needed to be. Because of our often large egos and constant stubbornness, I feel many times we don’t want to lose an argument, ultimately turning the disagreement into something way larger than it had originally been. I’ve started to change the way I think in situations like these, and do my best to step back for a minute and push my pride to the side in order to dodge any future mishaps. In addition to this, I am also sure to put my best efforts towards making sure that both voices in the conversation are heard so that we both understand each other’s opinions and see where one another are coming from in terms of each other’s feelings. In doing so, I’ve found it is much less likely for a misunderstanding to occur that could possibly blow out of proportion and break up an entire relationship.
Chapter Sixteen: Ask Yourself the Question, "Will This Matter a Year from Now?"
What do you hope to do a year from now?
Although this question is quite broad and can fall in many different directions due to the fact that so much could occur in the span of a year, I hope that my current friendships still remain and that my academics continue to stay consistent and on the right path for success. In addition to this, I also hope to have found a job to begin to gain experience for college as well as settling down and deciding which path I wish to take in terms of college and majors. Currently I am so unsure of which schools to apply to, stressing about getting accepted into one of my top schools, and am even more anxious about choosing which career path I want to major in due to the fact that I am so greatly interested in several different majors. In regards to myself and my well being, I deeply wish that I continue to be my happy, bubbly self that is focused on pursuing a successful future and remain being the positive person I am known to be. After reading this chapter during our book study and writing my long term goals for this year, I realize how many times I have been so hard on myself for one tiny task that hadn’t even crossed my mind when thinking about a year from now. This just goes to show that some things that you are so worked up about in the moment are not going to be relevant in the future, so try your best to pick your battles, and focus on the future when in a stressful situation, rather than the now and how it’s affecting you in the moment.
Chapter Seventeen: Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair
Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
When thinking about the idea of life in our world today, I do not feel that life is meant to be fair. Every individual undergoes their own battles and circumstances throughout their lives, and the amount of struggle they face varies from person to person, therefore it is utterly impossible for life to be completely fair and equal for everyone. Depending on one’s background and how they were raised, everything they encounter from there on out depends on where they started, ultimately resulting in different outcomes for each individual. Because of this difference, the definition of fair is not a reality.
Chapter Eighteen: Allow Yourself to be Bored
Do you take time to be bored?
For me, my answer isn’t a direct yes or no. No, I don’t take time specifically to be bored, but I do often take time to myself away from others. I am generally a social person, yet since Covid-19 became a thing and I was forced to quarantine by myself, I began to enjoy the peace and silence when I’m alone. Yet I feel that even though I am by myself typically just spending time outside or watching a movie snuggled in my bed, I am never actually filled with boredom. But opposite of this, I feel sort of delusional and not myself when I am alone for too long and end up craving the social aspect of my life. So essentially, I need and love being around people but do often take time to myself every once in a while.
Chapter Nineteen: Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
Have you been taught to believe high stress is a positive thing?
Yes, I would say that I have been taught to believe that high stress should be seen as a positive thing. I’ve always felt that if I have absolutely nothing on my plate, and nothing that needs to be accomplished, then it’s a bad thing because I feel that I’m not doing enough with my time. Now this doesn’t always have to be school related, but I think that this mindset started in school at a young age, and has spread throughout my entire daily schedule. I love the feeling of being stressed and having a list of things to do because it makes me feel productive and like I spent my time wisely.
Chapter Twenty: Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter
When is the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
The last time I physically sat down to write a letter of gratitude to someone was in one of our leadership classes over zoom at the start of the year, although I know this is not something to be proud of. When I focused for just five minutes to spill out my feelings of gratitude and thankfulness to my mom, I felt really emotional after, and it made me appreciate just how much she truly does for me, and how much I really do appreciate her. If I were to take this short five minutes maybe once every two weeks, I know that I would be much more in tune with my life and those around me, and learn to appreciate everything and everyone around me much more than I do currently.